[ another check. mood: depressed. it's going to be that kind of bad day.
falling back on the brook-no-argument tone kayla calls his "doctor voice," will says sternly, ] You're not going another day without eating.
You don't have to go outside, [ because will knows that's a losing fight — he fetches the basket from where he left it and brings it over to the bed, ] but you do have to eat something.
[For a moment, anxiety spikes inside of him and Will just as quickly soothes it with the clarification. He couldn't have gone out and he couldn't have dealt with fighting with Will over it. Eating is another story.
He watches Will move the basket of food over and his stomach clenches. He's hungry. Even if he can't feel it, he knows he is. Putting the food in his mouth though, chewing and swallowing one bite after another is almost enough to make him want to disappear into the shadows.
Will is right though. He has to eat. He should eat. (He doesn't want to.)
He wishes Will's hand was still on his cheek.]
Why...[He starts and his voice is a croak from lack of use. He swallows and tries again.] Why are you here? [In his right mind, he wouldn't have to ask. Now, he's dizzy and exhausted with lack of sleep, lack of food. Fear and loneliness have been his constant companions. The voice in his head plants every seed of doubt and Nico can no longer tell if the voice is his own or something darker.]
[ in any other scenario, his tone would be joking. why would he possibly want to hang out with his boyfriend? in the context of today, will's voice, while still running toward the lighter side, is also painfully sincere: ] Because you're here.
[ bending, will presses a warm kiss to nico's cheek. his hand is at the back of nico's neck, carding through the shaggy hair there. he draws back, though not away. will sinks into a crouch in front of nico; his hands come to rest over one of nico's knees. he looks up at his boyfriend with a softly encouraging smile. ]
You can tell me. Whatever it is. [ all of which nico knows, but they bear repeating. especially: ] I'm not going anywhere, Nico.
[His eyes flicker open at the press of lips to his cheek and he finally meets Will's gaze, unable to bring himself to keep hiding. The grief in his eyes is deep, his pain impossible to conceal. Will's words crack him open like a shell and his expression crumbles. He leans forward and reaches for Will, hands pulling him close so that he can bury his face in Will's neck.
Nico is silent as he clings to him, reveling in the feeling of being held, being cared for. It's one of the first things to go when the voice of Tartarus begins to whisper into his ear. Worthless, shameful, unwanted, alone. The charges fall on him one after another, weighing him down and pressing him into the ground until it feels like his lungs will collapse under the weight, stalling his breath. Breath that returns now with the affection Will is pouring into him with his touch, his words, and the way he looks at him. Will looks at him like Nico could never disappoint him. Like his damage and his baggage will never be too much for him.
Will looks at him and the voice gets quieter, losing some of its hold.
He exhales long and deep, forehead pressed to Will's shoulder. Will is warm. His hands and voice, both begin to thaw Nico's frozen insides.]
[ in his chest, will's heart feels caught in a vice. he kisses nico's shoulder, the side of his head, and hugs him tight like will could press every terrible thought and belief from the other boy's body. only when nico's hold begins to relax does will, too, drop his arms.
taking a seat on the bed, will pulls the basket into his lap and starts taking stuff out. he passes nico a still warm roll. depending on how long nico has been without eating ( and will is gambling on a full day, maybe a little more ) he will need something to settle his stomach before getting into anything heavy. getting nico to that point is a long shot, but so long as he eats something will will be if not content at least reassured.
the next thing he hands nico is a bottle full of orange juice. ] For your cold. [ this is a joke. because will solace is another fucking nerd. ]
[Though he doesn't laugh, there's an echo of laughter in his eyes at Will's joke and he shakes his head slightly, taking the orange juice anyway. The roll in his hand is warm and his stomach tightens in anticipation or dread, he isn't sure which. A part of him doesn't want to eat even now and he tries to ignore it, to push past the resistance and bring the roll to his lips.
It is the smallest bite possible, but it is a bite. Nico chews and swallows and his stomach doesn't revolt. It's a victory. The bread is plain and soft, perfect for his reluctant appetite. Inoffensive to his palate. It never starts tasting good but the second bite is easier, and the third. After a few minutes have passed, he's finished two thirds of it without complaint.
By then he's moved closer to Will, thighs pressed together and shoulder to shoulder. He needs Will's warm presence to keep him centered. The remaining piece of his roll is held loosely in the hand on his lap, and he takes a break, lets his head fall against Will. The silence is comfortable instead of oppressive and Nico uses it to bolster his courage.]
...I had nightmares. About being back...[He trails off, not wanting to say the name. Names have power and it's still inside of him. Besides, Will knows what he means.]
When I wake up, it's like I'm still there. Like this is the dream. That place is the only thing that's real.
[ like nico, though the name immediately springs to mind, will does not voice it. tartarus. what little he knows is based on the old stories and the snippets — more fragments of emotion than actual details — that nico has been able to provide. like before, will does not push for more information. nico is too haunted; and will cannot help by drowning in the same trauma.
that does not make this any easier for him being on the outside looking in. his hand twitches in his lap, the backs of his fingers instinctively seeking the warmth of nico's arm.
evenly, will asks, ] Do you still feel like that?
[ he tips his head, his cheek grazing the top of nico's head. ]
No. Yes. I don't know. [He feels like he's in a fog but he can tell that Will is real, and if Will is real then this isn't a dream, he isn't still there. Nico quiets and finishes the last piece of his bread, dusting the crumbs off of his lap before reaching for Will. He winds both of his arms around Will's, aching to be closer.]
I know you're real. [Even as he says it, the slightest sliver of doubt creeps into his mind, less driven by the quieting voice in his head and more by the fear of possibility. What if Will isn't? What if he's wrong? what then? He holds Will tighter, his brow creasing. Fear drapes itself over him like a heavy blanket.]
I am. [ will's hand finds nico's and gives it a reassuring squeeze. you're safe, it seems to say. you're not alone. ] I'm right here, Nico.
[ skating his fingers across nico's jaw, will tilts nico's head up. the kiss is a gentle caress catching the corner of nico's mouth. will's thumb brushes an arc over the other boy's cheek. ]
[He turns his head the rest of the way into the kiss, eyes falling closed. Whatever doubt had remained falls away at the touch of Will's lips and his shoulders relax, his entire frame gravitating towards Will. One of Nico's hands settles over Will's chest, fingers splaying over the gentle tha-thump of his heartbeat. He almost pulls away just so that he can press his ear to Will's chest and listen to the familiar cadence, but for now feeling it pump away beneath his fingers is enough.]
Will. [He exhales his name after the kiss, grounding himself in it. This is real. Will is real. The fingers on Will's chest curl into the fabric of his shirt.]
[ fingers curling around nico's, will keeps his forehead pressed to the other boy's, not speaking. their noses graze. will lingers in the moment. with every inhale, he breathes in nico as nico does him.
he breaks the comfortable silence after a long pause. after he has tilted his head up and after he has caught nico's eye again. there is a subtle playful curl to his lips. ]
Next time you're having doubts, come find me. I'll set you straight.
[Eyes that had opened when Will began to speak fall closed again. The humor doesn't quite reach him, but the reassurance does. He lets out a full bodied sigh, letting go of the rest of the tension he'd been holding onto. When Nico pulls back, his eyes are open again though it does appear to be taking him some effort to keep them that way.]
I'm sorry. [For being so much work. He knows Will shouldn't have to chase him down like this. To force him to eat. At the thought, his stomach growls loudly as if reiterating his inability to do simple things like feed himself.]
[ sliding further across the ridiculous coffin bed, will kicks off his shoes and pulls his feet up. he sets the basket between them and starts taking things out in earnest: another bread roll; butter and cheese; a covered bowl of soup; tacos; a sandwich. in addition to the orange juice, will brings out a can of coke. ]
You don't have to eat all of it. I wasn't sure what you'd be feeling up to so I grabbed some of everything.
Thanks. [Nico eyes the contents of the basket with some interest, eventually reaching in and taking out the soup and a spoon that he finds at the bottom of the rest. His cheeks feel warm and it has everything to do with Will's thoughtful kindness. He removes the cover of the soup carefully, surprised to find the soup still hot.
It's the easiest thing to eat right now and his stomach doesn't turn over on itself as he eats which is the most he can ask for at the moment.]
Did I miss anything? [He means this morning but the last two days have been such a blur, the statement could cover those days as well.]
[ feeling mollified watching nico dig into the soup, will grabs a taco to join him. ]
Not much, [ he says between bites. will rolls his eyes. ] Kayla lost dessert privileges for another week.
[ he is throwing his sister in the garbage. he is fighting the entire nemesis cabin for her if necessary. but he is also throwing her in the garbage. ]
[He snorts quietly, continuing to eat his soup, slowly but without fail. The warmth feels good and the broth is light and inoffensive.]
What happened this time? [The entirety of the Apollo cabin has found a place in Nico's heart, but some of Will's siblings have become more endeared to Nico than others, Kayla among them. When he and Will had first started dating, Kayla had noticed his shyness where it came to physical affection around others. It hadn't been hard to figure out where Nico's hesitance came from and they'd had a talk. She hadn't brought it up directly of course, but she had caught Nico alone to share some stories about her mortal dad. She'd also had the decency to pretend not to notice when he cried a little, overwhelmed by the gesture and the stories she'd shared.
Which is to say if Will needs any help fighting the nemesis cabin, some skeletons might spontaneously spring up from the ground to do just that.]
She got into a fight yesterday with one of Nemesis’ kids. No injuries, thankfully. That would have been the end of it, but this morning Damien came by the cabin. Eye for an eye, the usual. [ nemesis kids calling for retribution are like ares kids challenging people to a fight or aphrodite kids taking passive aggressive digs at others’ appearances: you tune it out.
will sets his taco down, his expression the long-suffering one of someone who knows he has to be the adult™ but is. so tired. ]
Only Kayla was in the cabin and she heard everything. Before anyone could say anything, she shot him in the foot.
[ never shall will solace forget — or stop laughing at — the image of damien white hopping on one foot, swearing loudly, kayla’s arrow jutting out of his big toe. ]
[This time Nico manages a fond smile. (Quite possibly the incorrect reaction but go get 'em Kayla.) He can't imagine what Damien had been saying to warrant the reaction, though if Kayla shot him it must have been something alright.]
They're gonna come after her again. [Which Will obviously knows because Nemesis cabin. Also because that's just how camp works.]
Is Damien in the infirmary? [Maybe Nico can summon the energy to pay him a visit. Make it clear who has Kayla's back. It isn't that he doesn't know Will can be scary in his own right, it's just that between the two of them, only one of them has been known to incite terror and panic. Also, Nico might not have a cabin of his own, but the Apollo cabin had taken him in. They'd accepted him and welcomed him in, offered him friendship. And now they were his to protect too. People needed to understand what they were doing when they messed with an Apollo kid. (Even if they started it.)]
No, I made him sit outside our door and took the arrow out there. We keep supplies in the cabin so I wrapped his toe and sent him off with an anti-inflammatory.
He's limping, but he'll live. He'll even keep his toe.
[ and in the time that he had damien basically prisoner, will gave him the lecture of a lifetime because he is nothing if not efficient. ]
[Nico lets out a sound that might have been a quiet laugh and has to put down his soup for a second so he doesn't spill. Maybe he won't need to talk to Damien after all.]
Brutal. [He loves it. Nico spends a few more minutes with the soup before setting it down and putting the lid back on. He'd finished most of it but his limbs are feeling heavier with every movement and now that there's something in his stomach, the exhaustion has begun to outweigh the hunger.
But that presents a different problem.
Setting the soup back in the basket, Nico stands, wanting to keep himself awake.]
I'm tired. [What should be a simple statement comes with a shaky thread of fear that winds itself around his voice. He does not want to sleep. He is afraid.]
[ will chews his lip, considering. nico needs to sleep. but he's also terrified of what sleep will bring. demigod dreams are already often nightmares. tartarus dreams can only be a special brand of hell.
still. he needs to sleep.
coming to a decision, will gathers everything back into the basket and sets it on the floor next to the bed. he pulls himself up the bed until he can lie back against the pillow. there is just enough space for another person provided they lie touching, which is also part of the plan. ]
Come on.
[ will pats the bed a couple of times for good measure. ]
[His hands fall to his sides and he stares at Will, hesitating. He understands what Will is trying to do but has no idea if it'll work. In the end, his exhaustion and Will win out. He wants to sleep after all, and with Will there it's impossible to resist sliding into the space beside him. It's a tight fit with the two of them, and Nico lays on his side, curling into Will with one arm draped across his chest. The second he finds a comfortable position, he feels the heaviness in his eyelids double and he resists it still.]
I'll make the room cold...if I...dream. I can't control it.
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falling back on the brook-no-argument tone kayla calls his "doctor voice," will says sternly, ] You're not going another day without eating.
You don't have to go outside, [ because will knows that's a losing fight — he fetches the basket from where he left it and brings it over to the bed, ] but you do have to eat something.
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He watches Will move the basket of food over and his stomach clenches. He's hungry. Even if he can't feel it, he knows he is. Putting the food in his mouth though, chewing and swallowing one bite after another is almost enough to make him want to disappear into the shadows.
Will is right though. He has to eat. He should eat. (He doesn't want to.)
He wishes Will's hand was still on his cheek.]
Why...[He starts and his voice is a croak from lack of use. He swallows and tries again.] Why are you here? [In his right mind, he wouldn't have to ask. Now, he's dizzy and exhausted with lack of sleep, lack of food. Fear and loneliness have been his constant companions. The voice in his head plants every seed of doubt and Nico can no longer tell if the voice is his own or something darker.]
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[ in any other scenario, his tone would be joking. why would he possibly want to hang out with his boyfriend? in the context of today, will's voice, while still running toward the lighter side, is also painfully sincere: ] Because you're here.
[ bending, will presses a warm kiss to nico's cheek. his hand is at the back of nico's neck, carding through the shaggy hair there. he draws back, though not away. will sinks into a crouch in front of nico; his hands come to rest over one of nico's knees. he looks up at his boyfriend with a softly encouraging smile. ]
You can tell me. Whatever it is. [ all of which nico knows, but they bear repeating. especially: ] I'm not going anywhere, Nico.
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Nico is silent as he clings to him, reveling in the feeling of being held, being cared for. It's one of the first things to go when the voice of Tartarus begins to whisper into his ear. Worthless, shameful, unwanted, alone. The charges fall on him one after another, weighing him down and pressing him into the ground until it feels like his lungs will collapse under the weight, stalling his breath. Breath that returns now with the affection Will is pouring into him with his touch, his words, and the way he looks at him. Will looks at him like Nico could never disappoint him. Like his damage and his baggage will never be too much for him.
Will looks at him and the voice gets quieter, losing some of its hold.
He exhales long and deep, forehead pressed to Will's shoulder. Will is warm. His hands and voice, both begin to thaw Nico's frozen insides.]
Okay. [It comes out in a shaky breath.]
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taking a seat on the bed, will pulls the basket into his lap and starts taking stuff out. he passes nico a still warm roll. depending on how long nico has been without eating ( and will is gambling on a full day, maybe a little more ) he will need something to settle his stomach before getting into anything heavy. getting nico to that point is a long shot, but so long as he eats something will will be if not content at least reassured.
the next thing he hands nico is a bottle full of orange juice. ] For your cold. [ this is a joke. because will solace is another fucking nerd. ]
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It is the smallest bite possible, but it is a bite. Nico chews and swallows and his stomach doesn't revolt. It's a victory. The bread is plain and soft, perfect for his reluctant appetite. Inoffensive to his palate. It never starts tasting good but the second bite is easier, and the third. After a few minutes have passed, he's finished two thirds of it without complaint.
By then he's moved closer to Will, thighs pressed together and shoulder to shoulder. He needs Will's warm presence to keep him centered. The remaining piece of his roll is held loosely in the hand on his lap, and he takes a break, lets his head fall against Will. The silence is comfortable instead of oppressive and Nico uses it to bolster his courage.]
...I had nightmares. About being back...[He trails off, not wanting to say the name. Names have power and it's still inside of him. Besides, Will knows what he means.]
When I wake up, it's like I'm still there. Like this is the dream. That place is the only thing that's real.
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that does not make this any easier for him being on the outside looking in. his hand twitches in his lap, the backs of his fingers instinctively seeking the warmth of nico's arm.
evenly, will asks, ] Do you still feel like that?
[ he tips his head, his cheek grazing the top of nico's head. ]
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I know you're real. [Even as he says it, the slightest sliver of doubt creeps into his mind, less driven by the quieting voice in his head and more by the fear of possibility. What if Will isn't? What if he's wrong? what then? He holds Will tighter, his brow creasing. Fear drapes itself over him like a heavy blanket.]
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[ skating his fingers across nico's jaw, will tilts nico's head up. the kiss is a gentle caress catching the corner of nico's mouth. will's thumb brushes an arc over the other boy's cheek. ]
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Will. [He exhales his name after the kiss, grounding himself in it. This is real. Will is real. The fingers on Will's chest curl into the fabric of his shirt.]
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he breaks the comfortable silence after a long pause. after he has tilted his head up and after he has caught nico's eye again. there is a subtle playful curl to his lips. ]
Next time you're having doubts, come find me. I'll set you straight.
[ ""straight."" ]
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I'm sorry. [For being so much work. He knows Will shouldn't have to chase him down like this. To force him to eat. At the thought, his stomach growls loudly as if reiterating his inability to do simple things like feed himself.]
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Apology accepted if you eat some more.
[ sliding further across the ridiculous coffin bed, will kicks off his shoes and pulls his feet up. he sets the basket between them and starts taking things out in earnest: another bread roll; butter and cheese; a covered bowl of soup; tacos; a sandwich. in addition to the orange juice, will brings out a can of coke. ]
You don't have to eat all of it. I wasn't sure what you'd be feeling up to so I grabbed some of everything.
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It's the easiest thing to eat right now and his stomach doesn't turn over on itself as he eats which is the most he can ask for at the moment.]
Did I miss anything? [He means this morning but the last two days have been such a blur, the statement could cover those days as well.]
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Not much, [ he says between bites. will rolls his eyes. ] Kayla lost dessert privileges for another week.
[ he is throwing his sister in the garbage. he is fighting the entire nemesis cabin for her if necessary. but he is also throwing her in the garbage. ]
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What happened this time? [The entirety of the Apollo cabin has found a place in Nico's heart, but some of Will's siblings have become more endeared to Nico than others, Kayla among them. When he and Will had first started dating, Kayla had noticed his shyness where it came to physical affection around others. It hadn't been hard to figure out where Nico's hesitance came from and they'd had a talk. She hadn't brought it up directly of course, but she had caught Nico alone to share some stories about her mortal dad. She'd also had the decency to pretend not to notice when he cried a little, overwhelmed by the gesture and the stories she'd shared.
Which is to say if Will needs any help fighting the nemesis cabin, some skeletons might spontaneously spring up from the ground to do just that.]
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will sets his taco down, his expression the long-suffering one of someone who knows he has to be the adult™ but is. so tired. ]
Only Kayla was in the cabin and she heard everything. Before anyone could say anything, she shot him in the foot.
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Hell of a shot, though.
[ never shall will solace forget — or stop laughing at — the image of damien white hopping on one foot, swearing loudly, kayla’s arrow jutting out of his big toe. ]
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They're gonna come after her again. [Which Will obviously knows because Nemesis cabin. Also because that's just how camp works.]
Is Damien in the infirmary? [Maybe Nico can summon the energy to pay him a visit. Make it clear who has Kayla's back. It isn't that he doesn't know Will can be scary in his own right, it's just that between the two of them, only one of them has been known to incite terror and panic. Also, Nico might not have a cabin of his own, but the Apollo cabin had taken him in. They'd accepted him and welcomed him in, offered him friendship. And now they were his to protect too. People needed to understand what they were doing when they messed with an Apollo kid. (Even if they started it.)]
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He's limping, but he'll live. He'll even keep his toe.
[ and in the time that he had damien basically prisoner, will gave him the lecture of a lifetime because he is nothing if not efficient. ]
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Brutal. [He loves it. Nico spends a few more minutes with the soup before setting it down and putting the lid back on. He'd finished most of it but his limbs are feeling heavier with every movement and now that there's something in his stomach, the exhaustion has begun to outweigh the hunger.
But that presents a different problem.
Setting the soup back in the basket, Nico stands, wanting to keep himself awake.]
I'm tired. [What should be a simple statement comes with a shaky thread of fear that winds itself around his voice. He does not want to sleep. He is afraid.]
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[ this isn't a question. ]
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I'll end up back there. I don't...when it's like this, [when it's already bad] I don't know how to stop it.
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still. he needs to sleep.
coming to a decision, will gathers everything back into the basket and sets it on the floor next to the bed. he pulls himself up the bed until he can lie back against the pillow. there is just enough space for another person provided they lie touching, which is also part of the plan. ]
Come on.
[ will pats the bed a couple of times for good measure. ]
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I'll make the room cold...if I...dream. I can't control it.
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